Let Me Be the One Read online

  We just walked then, silent, lost in our own thoughts. The air felt great; it was finally starting to get colder. Darcy looked cute with her scarf wrapped around her neck and her nose red from the cold. Holding her hand, her glove warmed mine.

  I was thinking to myself about the thirty-five and exhausted comment and I guess she was too when she broke the silence. “Don’t get me wrong, maybe I won’t admit it to my father but I do think about what he says. His interns and residents are always at our house—Sarah is great about making the ones who are new to the city feel like they have somewhere to eat a home-cooked meal. I hear what they say. I do think about it.”

  I squeezed her hand. “I think if it’s what you want to do, you can make it work, Darcy. Can you do it at your own pace so you can have a life while you work towards it?”

  “It’s competitive. You have to be willing to put the long hours in. I know there are women who raise children while going through it but I know that would be tough.” She waved the thought away. “Whatever, that’s a long way off.”

  When we got back to her place, she fisted the fabric of my shirt, pulled me close and said, “I know you have an early game tomorrow, but will you come in just for a little while, puh-lease?”

  I think this girl is trying to kill me.

  Darcy

  Friday night was ah-mazing. I was so happy to see my parents and for them to meet Tom. Tom held my hand under the table during most of dinner and his being with my family felt totally natural. My dad and Tom talked about his summer internship, surfing, and rugby, as my father is like the unofficial, and reluctant, orthopedist for my brothers’ club team. As they were in deep conversation, Mom leaned in more closely to me, “He’s wonderful, Darcy. Seems like it’s serious.”

  “No, I mean I just barely started seeing him, but I do really like him.”

  She smiled, “Well, the feeling seems to be mutual and you look very happy. Any run-ins with ‘he whose name I won’t say’?”

  I shook my head, “Um, nothing too bad but he and Tom are, or they were, friends.”

  I nodded in reply when she said, “Just please promise me you will reach out if you need us this time.”

  After dinner, we picked up where we’d left off before my parents had gotten there. My place was empty. The girls were all out. Tom and I went up to my room. He picked me up and gently laid me down on the bed. He rested himself on top of me head to toe, putting most of his weight on his forearms. He smiled at me, “I like your parents.”

  I parted my legs slightly so that he could rest his lower body against mine where I wanted him. I slowly ran my hands down the length of his back, over the fabric of his shirt. “I can’t think about them right now.”

  I could feel his length against me and his mouth turned up at the corners when he saw how lost I was becoming, “Darcy, I wish you could see how beautiful you look when you’re needy like this.” He nuzzled into my neck and nudged me rolling his hips into mine. “Can you feel what you do to me, Darcy?”

  I felt like I was breathing some heady, drug-laced oxygen. I could only nod, breathless. I put my hands on his hips and drew him closer into me.

  He quietly hissed, “Aw fuck, Darcy”, as he ground his hips into me and then put his mouth on mine. I loved the way he kissed me. His lips were so soft and he kissed me like he was simultaneously worshipping me and consuming me. A minute later I felt him shift so that his hips weren’t pressing into my entrance and then he whispered in between soft kisses, “Darcy, I meant what I said before. You’re special to me. You have to know that. We don’t have to rush this. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I don’t want to rush this.”

  When he moved, he left me so wanting. I sighed and then pled, “Tom, I am ready. I know that with you it’s going to be so good.”

  He lifted himself up and sat next to me on the bed. I went to cover my face, totally embarrassed, but he took both of my hands in his so that I had to look at him. “Hey Darcy, look at me. Believe me, it will be so good. I can’t wait for that day. I just want it to be different with you.” He took a long breath like he was unsure if he should say what he was thinking, “Can I ask you something, Darcy?”

  I was still a little embarrassed at the fact that I’d thrown myself at him, twice in one night, but I also loved what he had just said to me. I pushed myself up and sat cross-legged on the bed facing him, still a little self-conscious, and nodded. “Please don’t answer if you don’t want to. Did you and Nick ever…,” he shook his head, “You know what, forget that I said anything. I shouldn’t ask you this.”

  He looked surprised when I laughed. “The answer is no but I am aware that he told just about everyone that I was quite the sex fiend. I’m pretty kinky from what I hear. Jenna filled me in. Dan knows the truth and wanted me to call him out on it but I won’t.”

  Tom shook his head, “Just so you know, everyone thought he was just talking shit anyway.”

  “So then why did you ask?”

  He shrugged and shook his head as he gave a half-smile. “I’m sorry. Simple curiosity? Jealousy? Morbid obsession with you? The thought of Nick lying about you, though, saying you did things that you didn’t, makes me want to beat the shit out of him.”

  “I don’t feel anger. I feel pity for him that he’d lie about that. It’s pathetic but I guess he wouldn’t be the first guy in history to do it.”

  “You’re nicer than I am, Darcy”

  “So what else do you want to know about me, Tom?”

  He smiled wide, apologetic. “Everything.”

  “Ok, well, I’m not a virgin. I didn’t mean to give you that impression.”

  Another shocked expression. He shook his head and moved in closer to me. “That’s not important, Darcy. You don’t have to explain anything to me.”

  “I’m not explaining myself. I just want you to know me. My only experience was with first boyfriend, Matt. We were eighteen that first time and he begged me.” I couldn’t help but giggle as I told him, “Like he was going to die if we didn’t have sex. I wasn’t ready but felt kind of obligated to him because we’d been together so long. It wasn’t great. I did it because he needed it, not because I wanted to. The only boyfriend I’ve had since Matt was Nick and even though he makes it seem like we were together forever, it was only four months. And after two months I was having serious doubts about us. So no, we didn’t.”

  He lowered his head, “I’m sorry I even brought it up, Darcy.” He looked at me then with the most open and loving expression and said, “Darcy, I want to be the one for you. I don’t want to scare you off but I…I feel really strongly when it comes to you.” Tom looked pained then. “And I want you to know me too, Darce, but,” he laughed half-heartedly, “I think if we talk about my past I will definitely scare you off.”

  “You wouldn’t scare me off…but I really don’t need to know, Tom.”

  He was perfect and this was enough for now. He pulled me into a close embrace and nestled into me. We just stayed like that for a while before he kissed me and then left and went back to his place. My bed felt so big without him. I knew having his arms wrapped around me all night would be the best feeling and I was so looking forward to that.

  Tom

  She was on my mind first thing in the morning. I was going to have to take care of business in the shower or else I was going to explode.

  Today we were playing an away game in New Hampshire, about a two hour drive, so we were heading out early. Chris was driving the bus filled with a mixture of the very hung over, the somewhat hung over, and me—the one not hung over guy. I sat up front bullshitting with Chris the entire ride, as everyone else was either asleep or still somewhat drunk and talking nonsense. Chris was in charge of the line-up so he was telling me how we matched up against the opposing team. Chris was a housemate of Nick’s so I couldn’t help asking, “How has Nick been doing?”

  “Eerily quiet about the whole you-and-Darcy thing. I’d keep a shiv under my mattress for when he comes at yo
u.”

  “I know. I feel like he’s just lurking and is going to pull a Kato-on-Clouseau ambush on me one day soon.”

  Chris laughed, “Yeah, I can picture that.” He went on, “You’re better for her, man. I mean, I’ve known her since freshman year but I got to know her a lot better when they were together. Truly a nice person. She’s a very cool girl.”

  “Yeah, I’m totally into her. “

  He laughed, “Yeah, that’s fairly obvious.” He looked like he was lost in his thoughts momentarily before he said, “Nick just messed that up so badly. He’s one of those people that should be forced to watch a video of their drunk-ass nonsense. I don’t think he knows what an absolute dick he can be.” He looked to me as if he’d just had a revelation. “Why didn’t I ever think of taping him one of those nights I had to drag him away from her place?”

  “Um, I’m guessing because you were preoccupied? How bad was it?”

  “Ugly. He was a disaster, screaming and slurring. Then when Dan and I, or Denny and I would get there he’d start in on us—he was all, ‘Touch me and you’re dead, motherfuckers’. I mean, he weighs like a buck-fifty soaking wet—he’s not fucking anyone up—but when he was in that crazy drunken rage, he was a little difficult to wrangle.” He chuckled but then sobered and shook his head. “There were so many times, those nights, when I just wanted to beat the crap out of him. He said some things to her that were…” Shaking his head he went on, “Forget it, I’m gonna get you all crazy.”

  “Dan filled me in on most of it, so I know. But now that I’m with her, knowing that he was treating her like that and saying things about her that weren’t true—it makes it hard to be in the same room with him.”

  Chris looked to me for a moment with a raised eyebrow before he shifted his gaze back to the road. “Do you think anyone believed what he was saying? Everyone knew he was committing perjury.”

  “Darcy knows exactly what he’s told everyone but she doesn’t seem to care. I can’t figure that out.”

  “She’s confident enough not to care if anyone believes him or not. That’s a good thing.”

  “Yeah, I guess it is.”

  It had only been a few weeks so I was surprised that it even registered with me that this was the first Saturday I wouldn’t be seeing her. Oddly, I smiled thinking about the fact that I was missing her. This girl made me happy. It had been a long time since I hadn’t just been in it for the sex, the quick release. As I sat looking out the passenger side window, absently taking in the scenery, I thought to myself that I was, without a doubt, in love with her.

  Darcy

  I knew I wouldn’t be seeing Tom at all today; the bus would be staying for the after-party and they were likely to be puddles by the time they got back. I couldn’t help but think about him, replaying the words he’d said to me, and remembering the way he’d looked at me last night. I was happy and wanted everyone around me to feel the same.

  I spent the day shopping and having lunch with my roommates. Jenna and I decided that we were officially on a mission to get Rene a man.

  Rene had her heart broken by some football player with a serious case of roid-rage and an inflated ego at the end of sophomore year. I couldn’t understand how she could still be sulking over Ray a full year later. I remember her telling me she had dated someone else briefly last year but now, I mean, Rene seemed to have no interest in hooking up with anyone and it’s not like she didn’t have opportunities. She was really gorgeous and there was no shortage of guys looking to get with her. The four of us were talking about it one night when Rene as at work. When Beth brought up Ray, Jenna shook her head emphatically. “This is not because of Ray. Something has been up with Rene since last year. Caitlin, I’m sure you noticed. I mean, last spring that girl was doing more than her fair share of crying. I knew she had you to lean on and I wasn’t going to pry but it was obvious that she was going through something pretty serious.”

  Caitlin looked uncomfortable and then shrugged her shoulders. “You know she’s always dealing with family shit. Rene doesn’t have it easy.”

  Caitlin and Rene were tight, just like Jenna and I were, so I knew Caitlin would never spill any of Rene’s secrets. Caitlin went on, “She’s good. And I know she’s more than up for tonight.”

  Tonight there were a ton of parties in the Village and we were going to find her someone great. We picked out a killer outfit for Rene and Jenna did her make-up. She looked even more beautiful than usual.

  The first party we hit was at our friend Cara’s place. We were already a little fired up when we got there; Beth had insisted on a little pre-gaming with shots of tequila. I could never do more than one or two of those. I was more of a beer and wine girl. I’m not a big fan of blacking out.

  Rene seemed like her old self and within an hour she was in the midst of some heavy flirting with Tanner, a very handsome lacrosse player. Mission accomplished.

  Jenna, Beth, and I were dancing in a big group of people when someone bumped into me, knocking my drink out of my hand. I turned to see this girl eyeing me up. When I say she was cheap-looking, I’m not being mean, just calling it as I see it. She had long red hair, an upturned nose, wore her jeans too tight, and definitely had a penchant for push-up bras; her boobs were practically spilling out of her low-cut shirt. She gave me a snarky smile and said in a fake apologetic tone, “Oops.”

  I didn’t know who she was but Jenna obviously did, “Hey, Liz, what’s your fucking problem?”

  “Relax, Jenna. Who’s your friend?”

  I said in an even tone, “I’m Darcy.”

  “Hi, Darcy, I’m Liz.”

  I didn’t return her fake smile. A bad feeling settled over me; I wasn’t about to make nice with this one. Then, in what seemed like mock realization she said, “Oh, Darcy, I think we have a good friend in common.”

  I felt pure disdain for this girl already. My back was up. “Really?”

  She smiled but her smile seemed to curl into more of a snarl. I’m sorry, she was downright ugly. “Are you seeing Tommy?”

  Tommy? Ugh, she was nauseating. “You obviously know that I am.”

  She tossed her hair and laughed. “Well, yeah, I do. I wonder…what’s it like being with a guy who you know has banged pretty much everyone? I mean, look around, he’s done about half of the girls at this party. So I guess I should say, ‘welcome to the club.’”

  “I guess you’re in this club too?”

  She put her hand on her chest and her eyes widened in horror. “No! He is like, in love, with one of my closest friends.”

  Yes, she used the present tense.

  Then she whispered conspiratorially, “But, while they’ve been on a break, I have been with him.” She actually licked her lips then and added, “I’ve made your boyfriend come many times.”

  I rolled my eyes, “And you’re proud of that? You’re a pig.”

  She looked back over her shoulder as she was walking away, “Don’t get too comfortable, sweetheart.”

  Are you kidding me?

  Jenna came over with beers for us, “Isn’t she an ugly skank?”

  My hand was shaking as I took the cup from Jenna’s hand and then forced down a giant gulp. “Yes, perfect description.”

  “What did she say to you?”

  I shook my head. “Nothing. I guess she has a thing for Tommy. The way she said his name was vomit-inducing.”

  Jenna made a face. “Probably does, even though she’s friends with Morgan. Her friends are all bitches. If we were the type of girls who fought other girls, I’d hit her for you!”

  The drinks were definitely kicking in.

  Liz did get in my head a little. Not because of the blow job talk. Didn’t like that, but it was the reference to Morgan. The thought of Tom having feelings for someone else, even if it was in the past, just made me uneasy.

  I couldn’t shake them. Morgan, Liz, and two other girls were at the next party we went to at my friend Sean’s place. Sean, his girlfriend, Grace, a
nd I were all pre-med. The three of us had been in most classes together since freshman year. Grace and I were catching up when Sean walked over. “Is there any reason those girls over there are looking you up and down? I’d say they’re looking for some hot girl-on-girl action but they look more like they want you dead.”

  I laughed it off. “I guess this is the downside of dating someone with a colorful past.”

  I looked back over there and Liz was staring right at me so I took a page from her book and gave her a big, fake smile. Morgan watched the exchange and just looked—I don’t know—a little sad maybe. I was ready to bail. I found Beth, Caitlyn, and Jenna. We left Rene making out with Tanner at the last party. The four of us went back to our place and chatted in my room until we could barely keep our eyes open.

  The next morning I couldn’t shake that uneasy feeling from the night before. This was the first Sunday in a while I had no desire to go running—tequila will do that to you. I was still up at the crack of dawn, though. I really never could sleep past seven. I made my way from the bed down to the couch. I was curled up on the couch thinking about last night and trying to force down some water to take care of my well-deserved headache. I looked up when I heard people laughing and through the sliding glass door, I saw Rene and Tanner making their way towards our place. He was holding her hand and they were both smiling. Way to go, Rene. I didn’t want to be a creeper but I did watch as he gave her a sweet kiss before she came in. She collapsed on the couch next to me and smiled.

  “Rene, that was some kiss!”

  She looked happy. “You are not cooking today. I’m treating us to take-out later to thank all of you for dragging my sorry ass back out into the world. I had so much fun! Tanner and I danced all night. We talked for hours after everyone left and then we just curled up on the couch together and slept.”

  I looked at her, surprised. “Really? From the looks on your faces this morning, I thought there was some earth-shattering baby-making involved.”

  I thought a pained look flashed across her face and then she shook her head and laughed, “No! I would never do that day-one with a guy I liked. Seriously, I like him. He’s sweet. We’re going out Thursday night. He’s taking me to dinner.”