Let Me Be the One Read online

  I walked in the open door and saw her lifting a big bird out of the oven. Even that was sexy when she did it. After she set the pan on the counter, she reached up with the back of her hand to move a loose strand of hair from her face. I just stood there watching. She had her back to me. She was barefoot, wearing some workout pants and a form-fitting tee. I could see every curve of her body. She was so beautiful. More beautiful than any woman I’d ever seen.

  I finally broke the silence, “Hey, Darcy.” When she turned around I put one palm up and continued, “Don’t say anything. Just let me get this out.” After a deep breath I went on, “I haven’t really thought about anyone but you since that day with Nick when we hung out in the cafeteria. I’ve spent the last year thinking about you. I’m trying to figure out how to show you that I’ve changed but I think I’m failing at that. I just want a chance with you.”

  She let out a long breath. “How long have you been standing there?”

  “I like watching you.”

  She looked determined. I wanted to go right to her but the look on her face kept me in my place. “Have you changed, Tom? When I saw all those girls around you that last weekend…,” she trailed off. She shook her head and looked down as she went on, “I can’t do that. I don’t want any girls flirting with you, touching you, kissing you,” she met my eyes then and said evenly, “or screwing you. If it’s me then it’s only me.”

  “It’s only you.”

  “I want to believe that.”

  I moved in and leaned down to press my forehead to hers, “It’s only you.”

  Chapter Three

  Darcy

  After dinner, Tom and I sat on the back steps and talked for over an hour. Yes, he was totally handsome beyond words and everything, but I also really liked the person he was. I had my reservations but from Dan, I knew there was more to him than the rugby playing, fun-loving, man-whore everyone thought they knew. Tom was known among the guys as a good friend who would do anything for you. I just really liked him.

  As we sat there in the warm air of that early fall night, Tom told me about his parents and three brothers, where he grew up, high school stories, and his dream of eventually joining his father’s firm and making a name for himself on Wall Street. He laughed easily and it made me happy just being near him. When we talked about my family, he commented on the picture of me as a baby sitting in my mother’s lap that hung in our living room. “I can’t believe you remember that.”

  He shrugged, “Of course I remember. I don’t mean for this to sound creepy but I remember thinking how beautiful your mom is and that you look exactly like her now.”

  I tried my best to hold back a tear as I was smiling, “Thanks. I actually love hearing that I look like her.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said, looking confused. “Did I say something wrong?”

  “No! I love that picture too. It’s just…you don’t know, um, it’s one of the last pictures of the two of us together before she died.”

  “Shit, Darcy, I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”

  “Please don’t be sorry. I tell very few people about it because they usually act so weird and then don’t know what to say to me. And really, I’m fine. I think the hard part for me is that she died when I was so young that I don’t remember her at all. I had just turned two. The not knowing her is what hurts, you know? Missing someone you really never had the chance to know.”

  He took my hands in his but looked away and was quiet for a minute. When he looked back, his eyes were sad. “I always say that I have three brothers. I mean, I do, but Charlie, the one who was closest in age to me, died when he was eleven and I was thirteen. I don’t bother telling most people either because I…sometimes I just don’t want to tell the story.”

  I leaned over and kissed his cheek and then we just sat there quietly holding hands. He broke the silence, “Charlie died of leukemia. Do you mind me asking how your mom died?”

  “No, it’s ok. She died in a car accident. My parents loved to ski. My dad worked long hours at the hospital back then but whenever they could get away for a few days we headed up to a little ski house they had in upstate New York. My mother was just taking a quick trip to the store to get something she needed for dinner our first night there and, um, she didn’t make it back. There was some ice on the road and a driver in the opposite lane swerved and hit her head-on. My dad said she died instantly.” When I saw his sad look I shook my head, “Like I said, I don’t remember any of it. I do get sad sometimes thinking of how it must have been for Caleb and Luke. Sometimes I’ll see a family with boys who look about the same age they would have been at the time, just seven and nine, and I’m overcome thinking about how scared they must have been that night.”

  “Shit, Darcy. I can’t imagine your dad trying to cope with that and three little kids.”

  “Yeah, I know. I mean we definitely went through some tough times, my brother Caleb really struggled for years, but I don’t remember my home as a somber, sad place growing up. My house was always filled with music, a lot of laughing, and there were always a lot of people around. My grandparents were there in shifts to help out my dad. And then Dad married Sarah. I call her Mom too.”

  Realization dawned on his face, “Oh yeah, I saw another woman in the family pictures. Dark hair, really pretty but didn’t look like you.”

  Thinking of her made me smile. “Yeah, Sarah’s great. I absolutely adore her. I always think she was an angel my mom sent to our family.” Before I could think it through I asked, “Hey my father has a conference in Boston in a few weeks. They’re coming here the night before it to take me out. Come with me and you can meet them.” As soon as I said the words I wanted to suck them right back in. I covered my face, laughing but kind of mortified. “Oh God, sorry, that was so weird! I just asked you to meet my parents and we’re not even dating. Please forget I just asked you that!”

  He laughed and grabbed my hands back in his, “No way! Now I’m definitely coming. You can’t take that back! And you already met my parents, so now we’ll be even.”

  That night, as I was trying to get to sleep, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I felt like he’d shared something so private with me when he told me about his brother and I felt like it was just natural to tell him about my mother.

  Other people wouldn’t understand why I was typically reluctant to bring it up but he did. It just defined you to other people and I resented that. When I was younger I was “the poor girl whose mom had died”. I’d hear teachers talking about me that way, other kids’ mothers; it brought the sadness on all over again. Now that info was strictly on a need-to-know basis; if you weren’t very close to me then you didn’t need to know. But as for Tom? I wanted him to know everything about me.

  Tom

  I couldn’t sleep that night. I wanted her with me. Not in that way, though. I wanted to take her home with me, curl her up in my arms, and just hold onto her. My heart sank when she told me about her mother. From the first day I met Darcy, for reasons I can’t explain, I just felt really protective of her and didn’t want anything to hurt her. I didn’t want her to suffer in any way.

  My thoughts drifted back to Charlie. I thought of Charlie in the hospital and then lying in bed at home, so sick and weak from the endless rounds of treatment. Towards the end, his face white as a sheet, his body so tired as he labored to breathe.

  Charlie and I were close in age and always together. There were six years between Charlie and Brendan and then one year between Brendan and Terrence; we were the “big brothers” and they were “the babies”.

  When Charlie got sick I prayed every night that I could take it from him. I thought I was stronger and could beat it easier than he could. I always thought I was invincible. I barely made it through school those two years while he was sick. I couldn’t concentrate and I pressed my parents into letting me take days off so that I could be at the hospital with him or sit home by his bedside reading to him. When he died there was a long stretch where I
didn’t think I’d ever be happy again.

  Darcy and I had something rare and awful in common. Knowing that she understood that kind of loss made me feel closer to her, like she could really, truly know me. There weren’t many people who did.

  Chapter Four

  Darcy

  Tom purposely “ran into me” almost every day over the next few weeks. He was typically there in the quad when I came out of class, was at the gym at the same time, or stumbled upon me in the library. I felt like I was being stalked—in a very good way. As the days passed, spending time with him became a regular part of my routine.

  While walking to class one day, Tom was telling me about repairs he had to make on his truck and I casually mentioned that I had a permit but still didn’t have my driver’s license. That cracked him up. “What, Donovan? Did I just hear you correctly? You can’t drive?”

  “So? I live in Manhattan. I have no need to drive.”

  “Come again? You definitely need to be able to drive, sugar.”

  Okay, the “sugar” thing—simultaneously made me swoon and made me want to rip his clothes off. He stopped cold, took me by the shoulders and turned me to face him. “I have to rectify this situation.”

  Amused, I shot back, “Really now?”

  “Yep, I’m going to teach you.”

  “Are you sure you trust me with your precious truck?”

  “Absolutely. Anyway, this gives me an excuse to have you all to myself.” He smiled and then reached down and took my hand as we continued walking. He was holding hands with me? There was something so intimate about it but at the same time, it was also a very public declaration. Before he turned off to go to his class he squeezed my hand and said, “First lesson is tomorrow after your eleven o’clock class.”

  I was fighting the almost-dizzy feeling I was experiencing but somehow managed to tease, “You’re pretty bossy, Tom. I hope you’re a nice teacher.”

  “No, Darce, I’m tough. You better bring your A-game.”

  “Hmm, what are you going to do to me if I don’t follow your instructions?”

  He leaned in, tapped me gently on the nose and whispered, “Take you over my knee for a spanking.” He cocked one eyebrow and smiled knowingly. “I think you’d like that.”

  With that he turned and left me standing there, breathless.

  He knew the effect he had on me and I think he liked teasing me a little. There were times he’d take my hand and stroke the inside of my palm with his thumb in the most crazy-sexy way. When he did it I would lose my train of thought mid-sentence and he’d let out a low, husky chuckle. Every touch was like foreplay and I was wound as tight as a top. When we stood in a group he might put his hand to my lower back or put his hand on my shoulder. Other times I would feel him come up behind me as I sat with the girls at lunch. He would plant both hands on the table and lean down close pressing his rock hard chest into my back and whisper ridiculous things in my ear. He meant to rattle me but also to make me laugh. He made me laugh a lot. Tom was funny, flirty and the more I got to know him, the deeper I felt like I was falling. He was popular and he talked to everyone, but always seemed to have one eye on me.

  That first weekend after the “Nick incident” he swung by my house before us girls were heading out and he tagged along. By the second week he came by early on Friday and asked me to grab dinner with him before we hit parties. By week three we were arriving everywhere together; we had evolved into a couple.

  At night he’d always escort me home and laid some of the hottest kisses on me before saying goodnight. He gave me nothing but kisses but the way he kissed promised that he was likely to possess some serious skills. Tom didn’t push to go further and I was happy about that; it made me believe that he respected me. To be honest, though, I would have let him if he tried. Those romantic, sexy dreams I’d had about Tom were now, out of unrequited desire, turning into dirty, lustful fantasies. I was basically a pool of liquid when he so much as looked my way.

  Tom

  When I got home I collapsed on my bed and raked my hands over my face—sexually frustrated but happy as hell.

  I showed up at Darcy’s early tonight, figuring we’d hang out while we waited for her parents. No one was downstairs when I let myself in. I heard music coming from Darcy’s room and when I knocked and she didn’t answer, I poked my head in. Still didn’t see her. I walked in and nearly dropped when she walked out of her closet, clothes on hangers in each hand, wearing only a pair of black lace underwear, no bra. I was stuck in time, mouth hanging open, staring at, seriously, the most spectacular set of breasts known to man. I came-to a moment later, turned so my back was to her, and sputtered, “Shit, Darcy, I’m sorry. I knocked!”

  I heard the hangers drop and she was quiet for a moment before she said shyly, “I want you to turn around.”

  That’s all she said. I felt like my heart was in my throat. I didn’t move. “Tom,” she pleaded, “I want you to look at me.”

  I could feel that she was moving closer to me. My pants were getting painfully tight. What had it been, five weeks? Five weeks of getting to know her, holding back, not so much as even trying to go past first base? And it wasn’t that I’d been suffering through it. It was more like I was my old self again, enjoying the slow build-up, being ok with the pace of things, wanting to make sure that she was ready. But God, I was ready.

  I finally turned and she was now less than a foot in front of me. She slowly took one of my hands and put it to her breast so that my hand was full with her sweet, heavy swell. She tried to sound confident but her look told me she was nervous as she said, “I want to feel your hands on me.”

  Fuuuuck. I struggled to breathe as I put my free hand on her other breast. Her nipples puckered and her head fell back slightly as I stroked my thumbs over her. My eyes moved over her body from bottom to top. I practically croaked, “Damn, Darcy, you’re so beautiful.”

  She looked at me and smiled, her eyes heavy, as she reached up and moved her hands through my hair. I moved closer and cupped her beautiful ass in my hands as I kissed her deeply. I could hear her sweet little moans as my fingertips inched closer to her sex. Her body felt so fucking fantastic pressed up against me that I thought I would come right there and then. And at that moment we heard Dan and Jenna downstairs coming in the front door.

  I let out a long, shaky breath, gave her a lingering kiss on her cheek, and backed away from her. She looked flushed and happy. I could barely see straight. I definitely needed a few minutes to pull myself together before her parents got there. I didn’t know how I was going to be able to concentrate during dinner. I didn’t think I’d be able to get the image of her, as she’d just stood before me, out of my mind.

  After that crazy start to the night, dinner with her parents did turn out to be relaxed and fun. Her father is a great guy. You can tell he’s a big deal in his field, well respected. And Sarah is as nice as Darcy described her. I caught on to a little bit of tension between Darcy and her dad when he asked about her plans for next year. Darcy looked at him a little defiantly and said, “Same plan, Dad. Plugging right along. I’ll be in med school by September.”

  He took a deep breath, “I just don’t want you to be too hard on yourself. There’s nothing wrong with taking off a year before starting med school.”

  She smiled at him, a genuinely loving smile, and put her hand over his hand, “Dad, it’s what I want to do. I know what you say about the young doctors you work with but, believe me, I’ll be able to handle it.”

  He put his palms up in surrender, “I know you can handle anything. It’s just that the field is so different now. There’s so much you have to give up. Years you can’t get back. I hear these mid-thirty-somethings questioning their decision all the time. And I know you think I’m saying this because you’re a woman but I told the same thing to Caleb and Luke.”

  She rolled her eyes and laughed, “Can we please change the subject?”

  Sarah chimed in, “I almost forgot! Luke and
Kate are coming over after we get home Sunday. They said they have important news to tell us.”

  Darcy’s eyes widened and she smiled broadly, “Do you think…,” then she winced. “Oh, I pray that it’s good news. If Kate has another miscarriage it’s going to devastate her.”

  Sarah said soothingly as she took Darcy’s hand, “Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything but from the tone of his voice I didn’t get the impression that it was bad news. I’m very hopeful, sweetie.”

  “Please, I want a call as soon as you hear anything, either way.”

  Darcy and I were stuffed after dinner so we told her parents we’d walk the half-mile home instead of taking a ride. I was happy she’d asked me to come. I guess it reassured me that she felt something real for me too. I wasn’t sure if I should pry but I dove in, “So what was that between you and your dad?”

  Darcy seemed confused momentarily and then said, “Oh, you mean about med school?” When I nodded she said, “I think he’s afraid I’m going to work myself to the bone and study non-stop only to wake up at age thirty-five, exhausted, husbandless, and childless.”

  “Did either of your brothers choose medicine?”

  “No. Luke was heading in that direction but when he was in high school he was involved with a Jesuit volunteer organization that put him to work on home building projects in impoverished areas. He’s very outdoorsy and he really got into carpentry and building. He worked for a contractor throughout college and then went out on his own a couple of years ago. He met Kate when she was assisting the architect on one of his projects. She great, I love her so much. Now they’re married and they have a business together. She’s the architect and he’s the general contractor. And as for Caleb, he never had any interest in being a doctor. He’s in your future line of work, sort of. He’s a commodities broker.”