When I Let You Go (Let Me Book 6) Read online

  Darcy beamed. “So you’re practically neighbors!”

  I had to put a stop to this. I mean, Terrence was a nice guy and all, but Darcy was looking between the two of us like we were a forgone conclusion. Sensing my unease, Terrence shook his head and smiled at Darcy. Looking back to me, he said, “She means well.” I relaxed a little then, and Terrence was easy to talk to. He told me about living in the south for the past three years during law school, and he didn’t miss a beat when I said I was “on a break that may or may not be permanent” from NYU. “You’ll figure it out, Veronica. And I get it…Right now I’m just praying that I love being a lawyer, ‘cause if not, I’ll have to face the fact that I just wasted a whole lot of time and money.”

  “If you absolutely hate it, I’ll hook you up with a job driving our delivery van.”

  His easy smile matched mine. “I’m gonna hold you to that.” Leaning in slightly and gesturing his head towards the other side of the room, he lowered his voice when he said, “I was just about to get a drink…Come with me?”

  “Nope, I’ve got Veronica covered.” Dylan slid one hand around my waist and leaned down to kiss my cheek. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

  Darcy, Tom and Terrence were staring at Dylan’s hand, which was now resting low on my hip. Both Tom and Darcy were wide-eyed. As if on cue, a waiter appeared at Dylan’s side. “Club soda for the lady and a Macallan rocks for me.” Looking back to the others, he asked, “Anyone else?”

  Terrence wasn’t smiling anymore. He kept his eyes on Dylan when he said, “Bourbon neat.”

  “My, my…I’d say you’re all grown up with a drink order like that, T, but it’s hard to keep a straight face when you look like you’re wearing a suit from your friend Moshe’s Bar Mitzvah.”

  Terrence looked down at his ill-fitting tux and then trained his eyes on Dylan. “Nice to see some people never change, Cole.” Turning back to face me, he reached over and took my free hand. “Hey, I was really sorry to hear about Kasia. I always liked her. She made everyone around her feel special.”

  “Thank you.”

  He didn’t let go of my hand when he asked, “How are Jake and the kids doing?”

  Dylan’s fingers sank into my hip, pulling me in a little closer. Were these two in some kind of pissing match over me right now?

  I slipped my hand out of Terrence’s grasp. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings because he did seem like a genuinely nice person, but I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea either. “It’s day by day still, but things are getting better.”

  Darcy jumped into the conversation, obviously sensing the tension in the air. “I agree. The kids were all down at the beach house last Sunday. I think getting the dog was a great idea. Milo loves him, right?”

  “He does, but lordy, my dog looks like a peanut compared to that hairy beast.”

  “I know, right? I can picture the five of them at the shelter, picking out the craziest looking stray, the one that no one else wanted. He’s ugly but he’s good natured.”

  The waiter came back with our drinks. Terrence took a sip from his, studying Dylan quietly. He seemed to have come to a decision when he announced, “All right, I’m heading out to meet a few of my friends downtown.” Looking down at his outfit and then at Tom, he added, “I’m going back to your place to change first.”

  “Good idea,” Dylan threw in after taking a long pull off his drink.

  Standing to his full height, which gave him a good two or three inches on everyone else, Terrence fixed his eyes on Dylan. “What can I say? Being the biggest cock in the henhouse occasionally has its disadvantages.”

  “Biggest dick…Got that right,” Dylan muttered.

  Mick asked Dylan a question, pulling his attention away for a moment. Terrence leaned down to kiss Darcy’s cheek. “See you later, Sis. That key still in the same place?”

  “Yes. I’ll let the babysitter know you’re swinging by.”

  Terrence looked to Dylan’s hand, still resting on my hip, before leaning in on my other side. “It was so good to see you again, Veronica.” Kissing me on the cheek, he whispered, “Be careful.”

  Dylan gently pulled me in even closer. “Thought you were leaving, T?”

  He nodded, conceding the loss I think. “Adios, Cole.”

  Mick said something else to Dylan but he ignored him. “Dance with me?” he asked, looking a little shattered, if that was even possible for Dylan Cole.

  No one else was dancing, but when Dylan led me out onto the center of the floor, a few couples began to make their way out. We slow danced in silence for a few minutes, each second ticking by in what felt like slow motion, my anxiety ratcheting up steadily. When he looked at me for the second time with a pained expression, I kept my voice low even though I was beginning to feel panicked. “Tell me…What’s the matter?”

  “Nothing,” he murmured, leaning down to breathe me in. “I just think tonight,” he trailed off, shaking his head. “This is all happening so fast, Veronica, and I—”

  My feet stopped so that I was no longer following his lead. He was still holding me close, but his actions were telling me the opposite of his words. My heart felt heavy, anticipating the axe that was about to drop. It was all too familiar.

  This is all happening too fast. I feel like I’m being torn in two. You have to understand how much I care about you, Veronica, but I can’t do this.

  Shaking off the feeling of being back in Larson’s arms, half listening to him plead with me as I could feel my heart slowly turning to stone, I told myself I was conditioned for this, that I’d survive. But would I? For all my tough talk, Dylan’s words were literally knocking the wind from my lungs. Confused, I backed out of his embrace. “Excuse me,” I whispered, unable to meet his eyes.

  “No, Veronica, wait.”

  He went to draw me back in as we stood off to the side of the dancefloor, but he was interrupted by an older woman. “There you are, Dylan. Do you need a formal invitation to stop in and see your favorite aunt? It’s beyond rude…I haven’t seen you in months!”

  Dylan had a firm grasp on one of my hands, knowing I was trying to get away. “Veronica,” he looked at me pointedly, “I’d like you to meet my Aunt Colette.”

  “So nice to meet you,” I said, trying my best to smile but knowing I couldn’t muster anything evenly remotely close. I felt dizzy and overwhelmed. I had to get out of there. I gestured my head towards the corridor. “Please excuse me.”

  He dropped my hand. As I made my way towards the ladies’ room, I could still hear his aunt, her voice laced with disapproval. “Now this one’s a little young, Dylan, isn’t she?”

  This one.

  Yes, this one’s young, naïve, foolish…All of the above.

  “Well that wasn’t wise,” Anna cracked, fixing me with a death glare.

  “I can handle myself,” Veronica snapped with her eyes trained on me. Turning to Anna, she added in a softer voice, “But thank you for the save, Anna.”

  Anna squeezed Veronica’s hand. “No one can handle those bitches when it’s three on one. I’ve been on the receiving end before so I should know. I’m just glad Dylan pointed you out to me earlier so I knew who you were.”

  “What is going on?”

  “Nothing,” Veronica said, shooting Anna a look, something unspoken passing between them. “It was nothing.”

  Well nothing came traipsing out of the ladies’ room snickering a moment later, Samantha Paulson and Delia Parker, tipsy and laughing alongside her.

  I snapped at Veronica, unable to keep my anger in check. “Don’t run off again, do you understand? We’re not finished.”

  I shouldn’t have turned my back on Veronica but I was furious. Even without the full play by play, I knew exactly what had gone down between my ex and my girl, and Cecilia wasn’t getting away with this shit anymore. I stepped forward. “Having a good time, ladies?”

  Delia, always the doormat of the group, looked alarmed, while Samantha Paulson, gre
edy cow that she was, grabbed a crostini from a passing server’s tray as she flashed me her signature fake smile. “So good to see you, Dylan! Your mother has done it again…Such a fabulous night.”

  I shook my head, ignoring her lame attempt to ingratiate herself with me. “A word, Cecilia…Right now.”

  And just like that, her two steadfast friends dropped her like she had a bad case of the clap. Cecilia raised her chin in defiance but then I noticed her looking over my shoulder, smiling. I turned to see Veronica’s back.

  “Your date’s in a hurry to leave.”

  I spun back to my bitch of an ex-wife. “What did you say to her?” No answer. “What’s happened to you, Cecilia? You used to be better than them! All this time, were you really just as shallow and empty-hearted as they are? Are you that good of an actress?”

  She staggered just slightly, either from drink or from shock, holding onto the wall for support. “You’re calling me empty-hearted? You parade that child around here, in our circle, calling her your girlfriend? You’re the one who’s cruel, Dylan. And if she has any sense, she’ll run away from you as fast as she can.” She angrily wiped at a tear that was tinged with mascara. “It looks like she just did.”

  My phone chirped, signaling an incoming text. It was James: Bringing her home. I shot off a text telling him to come back around for me. A full minute later I got a reply: The lady says no.

  What in the actual fuck had just happened? Why did Veronica flip out on me, zoning out when I was trying to talk to her and then backing away from me on the dance floor?

  I wanted to scream at the cabbie, who was purposely taking the scenic route uptown. When I saw James’s name flash on my screen, I had to breathe for a moment, knowing I was about to unleash on him.

  “Where are you?”

  “Sorry I couldn’t come back ‘round for you, Cole. She was pretty upset.”

  “I’m almost there.”

  “I’m gonna stay put…I have a feeling she won’t be opening the door for you tonight.”

  We pulled up just then. As I was paying the cabbie, Veronica came storming out her front door dressed in sweats, a small duffle bag slung over her shoulder.

  “Can I take you somewhere, Miss Veronica?”

  “I have my own car, James, but thank you.” When she caught sight of me stalking towards her, her polite smile dropped and her features hardened.

  I stared her down. “Where in the fuck do you think you’re going?” I twisted the keys out of her hand, lifted her up and threw her over my shoulder.

  “Put me down!”

  “Simmer down!” I barked, seething, giving her ass one hard swat. It was hard to open the vestibule door with her pounding on my back.

  “James!”

  “He’s not coming for you, sweetness. Got that?”

  In my periphery, I did see him getting out of the car, but I kicked the door closed behind me, listening as the lock caught. He’d find himself heading back to that shithole town outside of London with his visa revoked if he took one step closer. I think he knew that. And more importantly, he knew I’d never hurt her.

  There were thirteen steps to that first landing. Her body was tense as she cursed me and rained hits down on my back for the first half, her pace slowing the higher we climbed. By the time we reached the landing, it was as if all the fight had left her. Opening the door and taking her inside, I heard her whimper, her body limp as I lowered her to the couch.

  “What happened, Veronica? What did she say to you?”

  She looked at me for a long moment. She said nothing.

  “Please talk to me.”

  “Do you think that’s what this is about?” Veronica wiped at her eyes. “You think I’m upset over something your wife said?”

  “I—”

  “Why don’t you tell me what’s been going through your head all night…And tell me the truth.”

  I had been acting strange, but how could I tell her the reason for my behavior? Should I tell her I couldn’t stand to watch as nearly all the men in the room stared at her? How when I pointed her out as my girlfriend, people inevitably commented on her age—the younger ones also feeling free to comment on how hot she was? How I had to put one of my board members in check when he asked if Veronica had any friends for him, like she was a fucking call girl or something? Standing by as Terrence Farrell practically fell at her feet tonight—should I tell her how that gutted me? With no baggage and a full decade younger than me, Terrence was a better choice. I wanted to choke the life out of him because I knew without a doubt that he was the better man.

  I sat on the couch beside her, looking off at the far wall. An odd feeling came over me, as if I’d been in this very place before, knowing it was all about to crumble. “I don’t deserve someone like you and I know that.”

  She cradled her face in her hands. “If this is the start of some lame, you’ll be better off without me speech, just save it. I’ve heard it before.”

  “You don’t understand.”

  “You’re right, I don’t.”

  “Tonight…”

  When I just trailed off, she murmured from behind her hands, “Tonight you realized that we don’t fit, that we don’t make sense?” I didn’t answer because I was desperately trying to put what I was feeling into words. “That’s what everyone else thinks,” she raised her voice just slightly, “but I don’t. I know I belong with you.”

  Did she? I wanted it to be true. Since that night at my apartment when we both laid everything out there, we’d been inseparable. It had been less than six weeks and I was already completely gone over her. If I wasn’t away on business, there wasn’t a night we spent apart. And waking up with Veronica Petrov in my arms? It was so good that I was nearly selfish enough to go on pretending, to keep my mouth shut just so I could just have her.

  My face reddened with shame as I thought back to a day last week, the day I stood in her tiny bathroom shaving before I left for work. I paused to pick up the little plastic packet that sat on the lip of the sink to examine it. Half of the days were empty, the remaining small blister packs holding the pink pills. I was tempted to take the pack, to misplace it so maybe she’d forget for a day or two. Yes, I want her that badly.

  “Veronica, I’m so selfish when it comes to you. And tonight…I just wonder if I’m doing right by you.” I kept looking away, too ashamed to meet her eyes. “The first person I ran into tonight was Anna’s husband. Declan’s a pro hockey player and he always brings some of his teammates along to these events as a favor to my mother because they’ve got deep pockets. A few of the rookies noticed you walking across the room towards Darcy. Before I could tell them who you were, they all started talking about you. Every one of those guys wanted you. And not like, piece of ass-wanting you. Those men saw you, they thought you were spectacular. I finally get away from those toothless morons and then some dipshit I work with asks me, dead serious, if maybe you have a friend to set him up with. He’s married mind you, and I couldn’t even call him out on that because I’ve lived so many years of my life just like him—like a fucking cheat. And then I’m finally making my way towards you when I see Terrence lock eyes on you. I love that kid, but I wanted to strangle him with my bare hands tonight.”

  She cut in. “Are you telling me you’re jealous or something?”

  “No. I’m telling you that this is moving fast…Maybe too fast for you.” Veronica started to cry again but I had to get this out. “Are you going to regret this?”

  “What do you mean, Dylan?”

  I pulled her up and over my lap, cradling her face in my hands. “I can offer you a good life, a very good life, but will it be enough? I want everything and I want it now.” My instinct was to look away but I fought against it. I was pretty sure my next words would sicken her, make her reject me outright, and I had to take what was coming. “Do you remember when I told you I didn’t want to use condoms anymore?” When she nodded, the next words nearly caught in my throat. “I know you’re on t
he pill, but I wanted…I want…I-I dream about you being pregnant. I basically want to trap you, Veronica, and that’s beyond fucked up on my part.”

  “What?”

  “You heard me. I want to be everything to you, the only man you’ll ever want to be with.” Running my hands slowly down her sides from breast to hip, feeling her curves for what might be the last time, I laid it all out there. “Every time we fuck I want to plant myself inside of you, give you no choice but to marry me and spend your life with me. And tonight I realized just how desirable you are…That every man sees you the same way I do. If I wasn’t so certain you’re going to wake up one day and realize that I’m not good enough for you, then I wouldn’t be so hell bent on possessing you.”

  “You are good.”

  “I’m not and you know it.”

  “I thought you were breaking up with me tonight.”

  “Maybe I should be, baby.”

  “No,” she whispered.

  She went to raise her shirt over her head but I caught the hem in my hands. “Don’t do that.”

  Those whiskey brown eyes narrowed on me. “You think I’m playing the damsel in distress right now? I’m not. You don’t get to decide for me. I’m not a child. No one gets to judge me anymore, tell me I’m a good girl or a bad girl. No one gets to decide if they’ll keep me or if it’s time for me to go. I make my own decisions now.” She jabbed a finger into my chest. “And I don’t need you, Dylan…I know that.” I rubbed at the spot on my chest, not because the jab hurt, but because those last words felt like a crushing blow. But her eyes softened when she took my hand and placed it over her own heart. “I decide who I love…And I love you. So maybe instead of talking about breaking up with me, maybe you should be touching me, fucking me…loving me.”

  “I do love you, Veronica.”

  She took my face firmly in her two hands. “If you love me then don’t leave me.”

  Her plea gutted me. For all the talk of being in control, of making decisions for herself, there was still a part of Veronica that feared being abandoned again above all else. And fuck it, why was I even floating the idea of something that would crush her when it was also the last thing I wanted? Here she is telling me she wants me—why am I fighting this?