Let Me Love You Read online

  I nodded reassuringly. “It sounds great, Darcy, really great.”

  Her expression changed then. She looked a little…lost. “I’ve missed you, Caleb. Talking to you on the phone and texting isn’t the same as seeing you, Luke and Kate all the time. I’ve been a little homesick lately. I’m glad summer break is almost here.”

  “You know, Darcy, you have to let me know whenever you need me, need my help or anything.” She looked at me curiously and I didn’t want to raise her suspicions. “Darcy, if you’re homesick again or there’s anything you need me or Luke for, you know we’d be up here in a wink, right?”

  “Yeah, I know. I love you.”

  “Love you right back.”

  Rene

  It was just after one and all of us were starving. Darcy’s brother was fifteen minutes late and I was secretly annoyed. I was really stingy with my free time, as I had so little of it. We had already polished off the entire bread basket when I looked up to see a freaking god-like creature walking towards our table. Of course this had to be Caleb. Darcy was just about the most beautiful girl on the planet so it made sense that her brother would be equally as attractive. My quick assessment pegged him at about 6’3”, broad shouldered, muscular but slim, sandy blond hair with a natural wave to it, and really spectacular blue eyes. His look was effortless but I could tell his haircuts probably cost three times what I paid for mine and his casual clothes were not inexpensive. Ok, I was no longer annoyed. It was impossible to be ticked off at someone who looked so good.

  God, this guy was so easy, so confident. Not cocky, just sure of himself in a very good way…like he knew who he was. Watching him with Darcy gnawed at me a bit. I wasn’t expecting to feel the pang of jealousy that crept up when he lifted her off the floor in a big hug, when he smiled at her as she spoke or when he addressed her in a way that showed his true concern for her. That was so not my life. I wasn’t foolish enough to think that all was storybook-perfect for Darcy. I knew that behind anything that looked perfect was a reality that told otherwise, but her life did seem idyllic compared to mine. Darcy had looks, financial stability and intelligence. She was also one of the kindest people I knew.

  When Darcy introduced us and Caleb’s eyes met mine, I felt myself drag in a breath. I felt like his gaze lingered on me, like he was drinking me in. I knew this was wishful thinking; he looked a little too worldly to be taking even a passing interest in me. But his attention made me feel exposed. I could feel color rising over my chest, neck and face. I needed a cool drink desperately and practically downed my ice water. When I looked up he was smiling at me as if he knew he’d done that to me so easily. Ugh.

  After that shaky start, I found myself really liking him. He was down to earth, funny to the point of being silly, and just easy going. I couldn’t understand why Darcy wouldn’t let Caleb help her out. I had no doubt that he could handle this situation with ease.

  When Caleb excused himself, I made my move. He must have thought I was nuts practically pushing him back into the men’s room but all of a sudden I was a nervous wreck and worried that Darcy would find out what I was up to. She asked me not to do this. As he pulled me into the bathroom and I heard the lock click behind me, I was suddenly questioning whether or not it was a good idea. He stood less than a foot from me, my body quaking. By then it was too late and after I told him I regretted it. Caleb looked like he was doing everything in his power to keep himself from punching the wall. His eyes looked like he was set to kill. When he came out again and joined us at the table, he looked calmer but I noticed that his fists were still fixed in a clenched position and his hair and collar were a little damp. He must have doused himself with water to cool off.

  This is exactly why they coined the phrase, “mind your own business.”

  I left for work about an hour later and Caleb was on my mind the entire shift. I worked at a high-end restaurant about twenty minutes from campus. The clientele and the management were demanding but the tips were great and therefore, I depended on this job. When I forgot to drop salads twice before entrees arrived, my manager, Craig, gave me a few harsh words. It stung. He was hard on a lot of the wait staff but was typically easy on me. The others playfully teased that he was easy on me because I was “easy on the eyes” but I preferred to think it was because I was never late, dependable and I worked my ass off.

  Even after Craig’s reprimand I checked my phone several times, figuring that if there was a major situation going on Caitlin would have texted me.

  Nothing.

  No news was definitely good news.

  Caleb

  I walked Darcy back to her place and then made my way over to Turner Hall. My goal was to scare the shit out of this kid while avoiding getting myself arrested.

  The door was opened by some fairly big kid wearing a t-shirt with the school’s rugby logo. Darcy never mentioned Nick playing rugby so this one probably wasn’t him. “Hey, is Nick around?”

  “Yeah, he’s here.” He eyed me curiously. “Do I know you? You look really familiar.”

  “I don’t think so.” I put my hand out to shake his. “I’m Caleb Donovan, Darcy’s brother.”

  His look totally changed. His eyes widened and then, oddly, I thought I saw a slight smile creep up. He shook my hand. “I’m Chris. Yeah, Nick’s is that door right there. Go ahead in.”

  I heard another guy come over to Chris and say something along the lines of, “What the fuck are you doing?” but the big one held the cards and basically told the kid to shut it.

  I walked right in to a room that stunk of stale beer and a guy in need of a shower. There was crap strewn everywhere; I had to step over clothes, empty cans and a bong as I closed the door behind me and made my way over towards the bed. “Are you Nick?”

  He looked wary as he took me in. I should explain that I’m on the tall side and not exactly scrawny. His tone was full of false bravado as he raised himself up onto his elbows and replied, “Yeah, and?”

  What a dick. “I’m Darcy’s brother.”

  Good, now he looked like he was going to piss himself.

  Silence on his end. “Darcy never brought you home to meet us. Wonder why?” More silence. “I’ll make this quick. If you look at my sister, talk to my sister, show up at her place, call her, text her, or attempt to interact with her in any way, I will find out and I’m going to beat you fucking senseless. Beat you ‘til there’s not a tooth in your fucking head. Do you understand, Nick?”

  “Yes.”

  I was toying with the idea of landing one punch just to make sure he knew what he might be in for but from the cowardly, gutless look on his face, I didn’t think it was necessary. And besides, I had done a good job of reining in the angry young man that I’d once been. This wasn’t worth taking a big step backwards for.

  When I just stood there staring him down, he swallowed nervously and repeated, “Yes.”

  When I left, the guy Chris and I gave a quick nod to each other. I got the distinct impression that he was glad I’d stopped by.

  I thought about hanging back for a few days just to make sure my message had gotten across but I knew that wasn’t realistic. I smiled to myself thinking that my way of checking up on the situation was programmed into my phone. No sooner did I think about calling Rene than I was chastising myself. Like I had the bad angel on one shoulder saying, “Ooh, Caleb, imagine what it would be like to kiss that creamy skin and love that sweet little thing?” and the good angel on the other shoulder saying, “You’re a shit. She’s too young for you. You’d corrupt her.”

  The good angel was always right.

  Monday morning.

  I have to say, I’m not one of those people who hates going to work. I love it. I work with, for the most part, the funniest guys on the planet. But it’s a stressful environment which lends itself to some intense emotions and people looking to let off steam, which is done on a nearly nightly basis. Still only twenty-five, I can hang with the best of them, but I marvel at the forty, even
fifty year old guys who still knock back drinks with us every night. Then again, they generally don’t look like they’re in the best of health. They’re the ones chewing antacid pills nonstop while telling you about the giant refinance they just did to remodel the kitchen at their sprawling Bedford home—yet again—or their kid’s plan to go to law school after they just finished paying the backbreaking sixty-K-a-year tuition at Duke.

  I didn’t see that kind of future for myself. I lived nicely. I had a great duplex apartment in Tribeca and I didn’t sweat what I spent on dinners or traveling. But I was socking away a lot of my money so that I wasn’t a slave to this business for life. My commissions were always healthy so I had more than enough to live well while I planned for the years ahead.

  I saw myself hitting forty on a beach, maybe Rincon, spending my days surfing while trading part-time. I didn’t see the wife, kids and picket fence. I saw a gorgeous woman, someone I could grow old with, or not. I wanted a companion and a lover, not an encumbrance who made demands or expected too much from me.

  This morning I ran into Cherry first thing. Bradley, the one absolute tool in the office, was hanging over her shoulder yapping while looking at her computer screen and periodically viewing her cleavage. Go for it, I thought. I’m sure that’s the only action he got. He was the stupid, son of a bitch nephew of one of the managing partners. That’s the only reason he had a job. Anyone else who couldn’t pass the Series-3 would have been shown the door a long time ago. Cherry looked like she needed a rescue. “Morning, Cherry, got a minute? I need to see the buy order on that contract we were talking about.”

  She jumped up. “Yes!”

  Bradley gave me a dirty look, to which I chuckled in reply, and then he skulked away. I gestured to her beautiful bosom. “I had to break that up. Looked like your boyfriend was getting a nice view of the goodies from his vantage point.”

  She cringed. “He’s such a disgusting excuse for a man. So, how was Boston?”

  “Good, saw my old roommate and his wife then paid a visit to my little sis at school. How was your weekend?”

  “You mean after you showed me the door?”

  I threw my head back, exasperated, and let out a deep breath. “Cherry, I didn’t think we were like that with each other.”

  She looked a little wounded and then shook her head. “We’re not. Look, Caleb, I love being with you but the next time we’re on the verge of a late night romp, please do me a favor and don’t let me go through with it, ok?”

  “Whatever is best for you. I mean that, Cherry.”

  “I’m just starting to like you too much and I know you’re not that guy, Caleb.”

  “I’m not, sweetheart. I’m sorry.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry for. You never lied to me or led me on. I’m a big girl, Caleb. I’m fine. I just need to put an end to it, ok?”

  “Yeah. Friends?”

  “Absolutely.”

  I’ve had countless conversations like that one and every time the feeling is the same when it’s over: pure, unadulterated relief.

  Thursday night I was out with Mike, Rob, Finn, and our boss, Ed, who could definitely still party like a rock star. He was fifty and got his start during the heyday of the eighties when Wall Street was like the Wild West. He still lived like it was and tonight he had dragged us to an upscale strip club on the Upper East Side. Not my thing. The dark, smoky rooms, loud, thumping shit music, and the girls with their teased hair and fake tits all made my skin crawl. I blamed it on Sarah, my dad’s wife and the woman who mothered me through the worst time of my life. She was like an angel. Sarah would care for strays, feed the homeless, you name it. I always remember her saying that the girls who worked in those clubs were someone’s daughter or someone’s sister who had to have suffered terribly in life to wind up in a place like that. I could never look at those girls as hot. I just felt sad watching them.

  I cut out early and found myself dialing Rene as I walked down Madison Avenue while half-heartedly hailing a cab. “Hello?”

  “Hey, Rene, it’s Caleb.”

  Her voice picked up. “Hi, Caleb.”

  Good sign, she sounded happy to hear it was me. “I just wanted to check in with you. Has Nick been behaving?”

  She laughed. She had a light, breezy laugh. I liked it. “Not a peep out of him. Mission accomplished.”

  “Yeah, that was like our very own spy mission, Secret Agent Rene.” She laughed that sweet laugh again. “Well, I’m glad Nick was so easily intimidated. So, Rene, you must be starting finals this week, right? You ready?”

  “I can’t wait for them to be over. I’ve been at the library until after midnight every night this week.”

  “Lots of papers due too?”

  “Of course.”

  “You’ll have to come down and unwind at the beach with Darcy soon.”

  “Yeah, I might. She was just talking about it.”

  “I really hope you do. Well, good luck on your finals and Rene, please call me if Nick pulls any shit, ok?”

  “Definitely. Bye, Caleb.”

  I sound like a total girl but I had this warm, buzzed feeling when I heard her say my name. I wanted to hear her say it again. Whisper it. What I knew I really wanted was to hear her whisper it in my ear as I made her come.

  I kept on walking, not caring about the cab, because I was lost in thought with the possibility of having Rene on the beach with me this summer.

  Rene

  The day after we had lunch with Caleb, I ran into Chris and fished around for info. Chris and I were close. He was, as they say, a “stand-up guy,” just good through and through. My friend Cara had a mad crush on him but had sworn me to secrecy. She didn’t have to worry. Even though my last foray worked out well, I was officially done meddling in other people’s affairs. “How was your weekend, Chris?”

  “Good. Interesting.”

  “Interesting?”

  “Yeah, we had a visitor yesterday.”

  “Chris, what’s with the cryptic snippets of info? Spill it!”

  He laughed. “Sorry. I’m probably supposed to keep my trap shut about this but I just took so much pleasure in it that I have to share.”

  “Yes? I’m waiting…impatiently,” I said, tapping my foot, arms crossed over my chest.

  “Darcy’s brother came to our place yesterday and barged right on into Nick’s room. Nick looked like he might shit himself after the guy left. I wish you could have seen the look on his face. It was classic.”

  “Really?” I feigned surprise as I said, “Chris, I’m surprised you aren’t on Team Nick.”

  Chris shook his head. “What? Fuck him. He’s been acting like a complete asshole. Besides getting tired of being woken up by you girls every night to retrieve him at some ungodly hour, I can’t fucking stand what he’s doing to Darcy. She’s a nice girl. If I was her brother I would have slaughtered him.”

  “So, should I be expecting my usual, 2 a.m. wake-up call or do you think he’s done?”

  “Can’t be sure but he did look scared shitless. I’m betting he won’t be bothering you girls, at least for the next few days.”

  “Excellent. I need my beauty sleep.”

  Chris poked me playfully in the ribs. “Now that is a lie. You just need your sleep.”

  I almost didn’t answer my phone when I saw the unfamiliar number but was so, so, so glad I did. When he said, “Hey, Rene, it’s Caleb,” I thought I would float off the ground. I’m sure I sounded a little too happy in my reply but hell, I couldn’t help it. The sound of his voice did make me happy. No, “happy” is a woefully inadequate way to describe the feeling; his voice made me giddy, ecstatic, joyful, elated…hopeful. I think the reason he was having such an effect on me, besides the mouthwatering good looks and the absolute, unwavering air of self-assurance he carried, was because I had never really experienced the whole knight-in-shining-armor-coming-to-save-the-damsel-in-distress thing, and it was kind of intoxicating. He was like this all powerful man who
was fiercely protective over what was his.

  I really never wasted time feeling sorry for myself and I wasn’t now, but I found myself thinking that it might be nice, just for once, to have someone like him to watch over me.

  I was pleased to report that Nick had been tame since Caleb paid him a visit. I was also happy that Caleb seemed to want to keep the conversation going after we covered that topic. I wasn’t a fool; I knew he was just being polite and I was being silly. From what Darcy implied, Caleb was surrounded by more beautiful, willing women than he knew what to do with. The likelihood of this successful, gorgeous guy being interested in a nineteen year old struggling student-slash-waitress was low…very low.

  Chapter Two

  Caleb

  In the summer I usually cut out of work by one on Fridays to head out to the beach. My father was not a Hamptons-type guy. We had a house in a sleepy, outer-borough beach community a short, thirty-minute ride outside of the city. It was the place I’d spent my summers working as a lifeguard, hanging out in the bars, and basically getting an education in life. The surfing was decent, as far as northeast surfing goes, and we had a house just a few off the beach.

  I liked waking up early on the weekends and walking the beach with my chocolate lab, Bosco, who was named by Sarah after her favorite drink growing up. Bosco loved the beach too. There was a whole doggy community. In the mornings all of us owners would congregate drinking coffee and shooting the breeze as we tossed tennis balls into the surf for the dogs to retrieve. During the week Bosco was holed up in my apartment so this place was like heaven for him. His only outings on work days were the twice daily strolls with his “professional” dog-walker. You would think the guy had a doctorate in dog walking for what he charged.

  When I got back from the beach that morning, Darcy was making a shopping list for a barbecue that night. I overheard her telling Sarah that Beth was a vegetarian so they had to remember to get veggie burgers. “Darcy, your roomies are heading down?”